The housing crisis in the UK is one of the factors said to be behind the growing trend of adults living with their elderly parents. According to recent Census data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the number of families in England and Wales with adult children living with parents had risen by 13.6% in a decade. Of course, living with ageing parents as an adult child can be rewarding but there are also challenges to overcome when living in a multi-generational household.
Advantages and disadvantages
Living together can deepen relationships between parents and children with shared memories and experiences, helping to strengthen bonds and emotional connections in some cases. Both adults and seniors can benefit from mutual day-to-day support.
It can, however, be challenging for adult children to give up their independence and autonomy when they move back home. It can be equally tricky for older parents to find themselves in the same situation when they expected to be able to enjoy their later life perhaps with fewer family commitments.
The benefits
Shared financial responsibilities
Combining households can save money on rent or mortgage payments, utilities, groceries and fuel. It can also help seniors to talk about future financial arrangements in a calm, unhurried way when adult children are present.
Provision of care and support
Being in the same household makes it easier to monitor the health and wellbeing of elderly parents, attend medical appointments with them and respond quickly to emergencies. Elderly parents can contribute by helping with tasks like cooking, babysitting grandchildren or providing advice and emotional support.
Emotional security for elderly parents
The fear of loneliness is a big worry for ageing parents so this will hopefully not be an issue when they have the security of living with loved ones who care for them.
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The challenges
Loss of privacy and independence
Both parties may resent the lack of personal space or autonomy. Conflicts can arise over differing lifestyles, schedules or attitudes to household routines.
The stress of caregiving
Caring for elderly parents who may have health or mobility issues can be physically and emotionally demanding. Financial strain could become an issue if there are additional costs for medical care, home modifications or increased usage of utilities and this can lead to arguments relating to household finances.
Impact on relationships
Sharing a household could strain relationships between the generations, especially if the adult child has a spouse or partner or reverts to their teenage persona!
Elderly parents may become over-reliant on the adult child which could impact a child’s relationship with their partner. Simultaneously, the older parent’s sense of self-worth and independence can be adversely affected.
Social opportunities for either or both parties could become limited, and adult children may find difficulties in balancing their personal and professional lives with caregiving responsibilities.
Tips for managing the challenges
Fortunately, there are some simple ways of managing the challenges of multi-generational living so that the benefits are easier to see and feel. Here are some of them:
- Set clear boundaries and rules around privacy, household and financial responsibilities
- Seek support, perhaps through respite care, daycare centres or through part-time professional care
- Regularly discuss concerns and expectations to prevent misunderstandings or disputes
- Prioritise self-care if you’re caring for an elderly parent to prevent burnout and maintain a healthy relationship
Living with ageing parents can be mutually beneficial if approached thoughtfully and with open communication and planning.
